This morning I woke up SO SO
frustrated, my heartfelt stupidly heavy and I was that uncomfortable that I had
to get up. After spending what seemed like half an hour trying to arrogantly
pin point what the problem was I turned to God to give me rest. I wrote a few
lines and just started to worship Him and I started to think about how
frustrating my creativity could be. Note that post-reflection as is also being
weaved in as I write this. I love creating art but there are times when I just
hit WALLS and things don’t go the way I want them to it causes such and it
causes such an up upset in me. This week I spent two days trying to convert and
image on photoshop into a bitmap image so it could be transferred to a screen
and it just wasn’t happening. I followed all the instructions, asked a
technician and people that had done so successfully. I honestly felt SO stupid
when I was talking to the print guy about it because physically and in my mind
it was such a SIMPLE technique.I became even more annoyed at the fact that I
hadn’t produced any work due to something so minor. Yesterday I attended a
workshop called ‘the working artist’ and I was at such a height of inspiration
so I when I woke up this morning I honestly confused at why I felt like this as
I’d also had a really fun evening.
It’s funny what we turn to in our
times of need and many a time expression of our frustration or life blocks.
What’s even funnier was the fact that last night I went to bed feeling like I
didn’t really need to talk to God and this morning I turned up at His throne.
How ironic. I truly realised this morning that He gives me a REST that this
world cannot give.
Flash back: Earlier this week, I
was painting in my studio and simultaneously trying to get to develop to the
next level whatever that was. Any creative can relate. You know
when you’re trying to develop and idea and create a substantial body of work
from the little you have or nothing and you just go BLANK. Yeah that. The.
Most. Annoying. Feeling. Ever! I was wondering around, talking to people,
looking into other peoples studios and it was like my brain was saying NOPE,
not today sorry. I was plain STUCK. Later on that afternoon I had to get some
post before my tutorial and just before I got there, I got an amazing idea! It
was quite a warm day and I was looking at the leaves from a tree against the
baby blue sky and thought how beautiful a photo it would make. Then I thought
how I could use such a photo in the photo weaves I love making. The leaves
looked like they had been dipped in fire. I picked them off and picked
beautiful conkers like things with Ferreror Rocher looking skins. My walk
somehow unblocked me and I felt nature speaking at me and giving inspiration.
This summer I underwent a terrible
depression and there was a particular time I was recording some of my poems and
felt SO low and like my art was failing. There was a poem I wrote about chasing
your dreams and as I started to speak it out aloud it gave me life. It revived
me in a way I needed and it was in that moment God said to me ‘make art that
gives life’ and I was thought how
on EARTH am I going do I do that? My
poem spoke back at me. I felt God also saying ‘you wrote this, believe in it
and fight for it’.
Flicking back: this
week I learnt that rejection WILL happen, I will make bad art before I make
fantastic masterpieces. That Rome certainly wasn't built in day and
neither will my work be produced so in this manner. I need a lifetime to
explore gift I have been given. Three years is not enough, it is only a start.
I was reading about Leonardo Da Vinci this morning and learnt that he
often failed because he was interested in so many things. Haha, I can relate.
I’ve realised I love travelling, writing, cooking for people, painting, sewing,
photographing, braiding, styling, interior design, I even find aspects of
architecture interesting. The list could go on. So at times because I have so
many ideas swimming in my head and my interest lies in so many places I often
start something and fail. I pick up something interesting and few months later
I drop it because I‘m bored. It doesn't have to be this way. Take
time to train your appetite and master something. Be committed to something of
substance.
2nd Chronicles- 16:9 "For the eyes of the
Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong on
behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him"
Do you know what this means? It
means God goes out of His WAY to show Himself powerfully in the lives of those
whose hearts are loyal to him! WOW. He reminded me this morning that HE is my
REST and that my heart cannot afford to rest in an ECONOMY that fails. This
world is passing. The things that seem impossible with man are possible with
God because HIS ECONOMY is set up in a way that cannot fail. God’s Kingdom is
EVERLASTING and this world is not. That is why every kingdom in this world has
an appointed beginning and end that is why we cannot remain aloft in the clouds
day dreaming, you eventually have to come back down to earth and face the
truth. It’s interesting how the gravity works, without the gravitational pull
things would probably be floating.
Time reminds us that yesterday
cannot be returned to us and today will slip through are hands if we’re not
careful. There is a time for everything and we’re definitely not superhuman.
This world sees the success and
sometimes that is all it sees but let’s be real…before success failure has
often and ALWAYS preceded it. I love writing spoken word poetry but I have
written so many not-so-great ones. Honestly! And when people are like ‘Chioma I
loved that poem’ sometimes I laugh because not everyone realises how much WORK
goes in. How many times I cried, scrunched up the paper and gave up before I
produced a perfect draft. How much rambling I may subject my friends to just to
make sense of one thing. It’s so easy to look at painting or a poem and ASSUME
that the artist just FELL out of bed with this perfect gift. NO. The greats in
literature and art were probably told they were crap. At
times I've been told that my work has no substance, that it is not
good enough, that someone didn't like and it used to bother me so
much. But do you know what? It’s not the end of the world. There are bigger
issues in life. I got over and listen to what I KNOW to be true. And that is if
I want to make GREAT art I have to keep at it.
My gifts do NOT define me.
My relationship with God does.
WAY before I believed in Him, I
would make art, chill, had fun but I still felt empty. I was looking for
meaning. I switched from English to Biology to art. Anything that could give me
rest. Movies, boys, girls, trips, the sun, my parents, my family, heritage,
art, ME, music, anything. I didn't even know I was looking for REST. I felt fine but something I couldn't pin
point what was missing. I
finished a WHOLE book the day after my 16th birthday because I was so bored. I
wanted to be cool. Life was okay. I had so many joyful moments and mini
accomplishments and these things would satisfy me but then I was OFF looking
for something new. Can you relate?
Such a paradox to my current life.
Now, I live KNOWING the meaning of life. I don’t know everything but I don’t
have to waste anymore years searching for ‘that thing’. I’ve found it!
Flipping back to the present: As
I worshipped the Lord showed me WHY he gave me the gifts I have…to
lift Him up, to show people that they have forgotten the ONE who gave it. That
this current world has made art an idol. It’s not so much that one person is
more gifted than another but that one MASTERS what they are given in this life
and leaves something for the next generation that points to the biggest
masterpiece.
That fact that He gives us the
gifts regardless of whether we love Him or not JUST shows HOW good he is. The
gifts are and extension of God’s kindness. He loves us as His creation SO much,
so much that He readily gave His son, Jesus. It PLEASED Him to bruise him why?
Because He foresaw the FRUIT of it. He saw those that would find true joy, the true
meaning of life DEFINED in relationship with God.
If I was to give you a present as a
symbol of my friendship, would you treasure the gift more than my friendship?
NO that would be crazy and insulting. You basically say that the gift whatever
shape or size it comes in is greater than I who gives it. REALLY? Come on man.
Trust me I know this, I did this
for a year and God allowed me to before he hit me with the truth. He kept
calling me to spend time with Him and I was like ‘Lord, I just need to figure
out my life, my ideas and then I’ll get back to you’ I chased my DREAMS hard, I
chased them harder than I chased God’s heart and do you know what happened? I
felt my dreams DIE inside of me. Every single one. Everything to do with
writing, drawing, making. It was SO painful. Major tip for life: Chase the one
who gives the gift, seek to have a relationship with Him and He’ll give you the
direction you need in your life. Trust Him.
A couple weeks back during another
heart to heart; I was looking at the transaction of carbon dioxide and oxygen
and how we breathe and I was like ‘why do people die when they are not even
sick?’ I can understand when for example someone is shot or stabbed or has a
sickness. I believe we call it dying from of a natural cause? So I deduced that
it is natural to die, that means we all have an appointed time to die and you
don’t know when that is. This takes me what David says in:
Psalm 39:4 –“Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my
days; let me know how fleeting my life is” and
Psalm 90:12 –“teach us to
number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Deadlines keep you in check and our
lives can flash by quickly if we don’t keep a check on it. It is important we
ask for a sense of time, so that we would be smart in making the decisions we
need to make in life. When you have a goal and limited time you naturally work
to produce things that will be effective. Don’t exit this live not having given
your all. Fight to find and master what you've been given. Cherish it.
HE gives and takes away life,
period (Yeah right, I said it). I used to be a control freak and this
truth used to scare me senseless because I don’t have control over when I will
go. Just CHILL and don’t be smarmy about it, work with God. Get on His team
then you worry like that! Like a gardener He prunes the bushes, He trims the
raggedy branches and he’ll paint the masterpiece in your soul. He wants to help
you. Stop struggling.
It’s so important to FEED your
hunger for art with inspiration as much as it to FEED your spirit with the word
God. To feed your relationship with fruits from His garden so that the seeds
that remains in your heart will remain and bear MORE fruit.
This morning I was unsettled but do
you know what? You can’t only rely on your emotions (they change), people (we
change) or even the talents you have! My heart was SO heavy and so many people
in this life are walking around with HEAVY hearts. They're worrying about
what they want to do with their life, the MEANING of their life, their careers,
relationships e.t.c…the list could continue! Can I share something with you
please? All these things are actually secondary. Get connected to the source
then everything else begins to make sense.
Matthew 11:28 “Come
to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”.
I pray you will find and taste true
rest. His presence is the yummiest. Taste, test and see that the Lord is good,
that the rest He gives is a tangible delight. Don’t
take my word for it…try for yourself.
*cyber kicks feet up and waves*
I hope you find something in here
that inspires you, happy Saturday!
